Make Charlie your write-in choice

I’m back from my trip to see “Cats” last week. Still peeved that there were no cats in the production. Someday when they name a musical “Cats” there will actually be felines, not humans, trying to be one.

Anyway, enough on that. I’m back in the Fruita Times office watching everyone start their day. As usual, Lee sets last week’s paper near my bed. I’ve been following this Jared Wright debacle with some interest. It is hard to believe he isn’t stepping down. He finally came out and said he made some mistakes.

Mistakes? Ya think? He was asked to resign his position as a sworn piece officer accepting the responsibilities of upholding the law and setting an example as a law abiding citizen only to throw it down the drain by reporting he was in the field on the job when he was home in his kitchen pussyfooting around (excuse the pun). It takes some nerve to cheat the taxpayers out of the services they pay for.

We listen to him run on a fiscal conservative platform campaign only to find out he can’t handle his own finances by filing for chapter 7 bankruptcy to which he claims “bad investments.” I agree, fancy cars, jewelry and tanning memberships are bad investments but not just in this economy, but any economy when you don’t make enough money to afford them.

While in New York, the big news was Republican Rep. Todd Akins’ moronic remark that women who are victims of “legitimate rape” are biologically capable of preventing pregnancies. For real? And he is running for the U.S. Senate seat for Missouri?

Is this what America has come to? These are the people we are counting on to lead us out of the recession and back to the most respected and powerful nation on earth?

Oh my gosh, don’t look now but I think we are in trouble. This is the best we have to offer? This isn’t a party issue; it’s a stupidity problem. Both parties have had representatives make horrendous mistakes over time. Neither party can point fingers. If I could speak human, I would definitely choose my words more carefully while speaking in front of people I’m trying to impress. I believe the key word here is “think.” That’s what they’re not doing. Or maybe they are and that’s the best they have to offer.

With that said and without further ado, I am officially throwing my hat in the ring as the Republican  write-in candidate for the House District 54 seat. That’s right, I will be opposing Jared Wright for the Republican party as a write-in. If he won’t step down, I am forced to step up.

I will be making the usual rounds garnishing votes just like the people candidates. My platform will be centered around healthcare. Instead of the usual healthcare issues in the news today, I will be focusing on …….”Eat more fish!” That’s right, when I eat more fish, I feel happy and satisfied. So, I figure if everyone followed my lead and ate more fish, this world would be a lot better off.

I carry no baggage, I have never been in the news. I wasn’t asked to resign (probably because I don’t have a job) and I have never filed for bankruptcy (no job – no pay). Being a female feline, I am sensitive to stupid comments about women’s issues. I promise to engage my brain before my mouth. I am willing to release all my tax returns immediately (no job – no tax returns) and represent cats and people alike. I will not discriminate. I will even work with dogs (but only if I have to).

In order to fully qualify for the write-in vote, I must have a first and last name. So when you enter the voting booth, please write in, “Charlie Cat.” I’m thinking using the last name “Cat” will make it easy to remember and when the county clerk’s office attempts to inform the winner, there will be no mistake who “Charlie Cat” is.

Remember, a vote for me is a vote for fish … er … common sense (well kinda).